Decisions / Reflections

With the beginning of the new year I've decided to banish all the crap that happened last year. I'm going to cleanse myself, wash my hands of the matter, and move on. You are herein nothing to me.

I can't believe another year has gone by. It's scary to think about. Sometimes I just think that my life is slipping away without me doing anything about it. I think I get too caught up in the moment despite my attempts to plan and control most things. Normally I don't procrastinate, but recently, I've been unable to plan too far ahead in advance.

Anyway, I've become withdrawn again so I apologize for my anti-social tendencies. Perhaps it's the winter getting to me. I just like to be home studying. Excess and inefficiency are contemptible to me. Have I changed as a person? In some ways I think I have. I say more now, keep less to myself. I'm more tolerant of certain things, less tolerant of others. I've gotten better at going out places and doing things, opening myself to new experiences. So overall, maybe this year wasn't so bad. Baby steps, baby steps.

I'm pleased today. I mustered up the courage to face my grades. Now if only I could gain some confidence.

Poker

As it turns out, I'm pretty good at poker. We should play some more.

Also, Slumdog Millionaire is a really good movie. Everyone should go see it eventually.

the ILTM app is killing me. slowly. Still have to study more, practice piano, and apply to other internships just in case. i don't know where all the time goes anymore.

Endless Food

So anyway, Happy Christmas and all that jazz. It's over now but it felt like it was never here. I'm not sure how this happens. I used to look forward to Christmas so much, now it just seems like a chore. Basically, I morph into a slave around this time. I've cooked and cleaned so much stuff, but people keep coming over and making a mess. I'm tired of it.

Presents also used to be better when I didn't care about waste or excess. Now I just see everyone wasting their money on useless junk. I hate inefficiency more than anything.

Yesterday I fell down the stairs. It was painful, and now I have a bruise. Many bruises actually, but at least it wasn't a full fall down a flight...just about a half flight. Maybe less, I'm not really sure.

I think...people should stop buying me presents because I'm just too picky. It would save everyone a lot of time and effort if we all just abstained. I'll buy myself gifts instead.

So here's to Christmas round 2. I need to go socialize or something before I become withdrawn and depressed again.

Chocolate coma

Today I made more cookies. I think I'm in a chocolate coma. I decorated some this afternoon with D and G (I'm taking a note out of GossipGirl/K's book). It was lovely. Some of our creations look utterly stupid, but that's fine. Some of them also developed tumors.

Other than that I've just been wrapping and trying to figure out what internships to apply to. I don't know whether or not to apply to ILTM still. I'd rather have an internship so I could be home and still hang out with people from time to time. The deal with ILTM is that I'd be back at school for six weeks out of the summer...and I'd basically be incommunicado because that's how intense it is. Plus it's not like I could get a job for the few weeks before and after the program. It's quite difficult to decide. I need help. The deadline is January 5. If I get in, I basically have to do it unless I turn into a huge biotch and say I can't if I get a better offer. The problem with that is that I do work for the program now with my fellowship.

Big picture though - I don't really need job experience right now. I'm going to go to some sort of schooling after my 4 years at the university...

Cookies and depression?

Last night this overwhelming sense of loneliness washed over me. It was insane. I just felt so unwanted and alone. I blame the SAD.

I just stared directly into the sun. It's in the perfect position for a photograph depicting winter. It's actually quite a nice day. Too bad I've been inside all day cleaning and baking. I made chocolate pixie cookies. I don't really know why they're called that. But they're chocolaty and delicious. At least they smell delicious...I'm still waiting for the last batch to come out.

I'm excited for tonight's shindig, "The Winter Solstice Soiree." Now if only I could find enough males/champions to host a Yule Ball...

That's RIGHT

I rescued my old laptop from the depths of the dead. I am so proud of myself. It's aaaaaalive! I couldn't believe it. Basically, whenever I come home I struggle with trying to revive it. It used to taunt me every single time. But now? Now it is fixed! Yay me!

So in actuality, I do have to do work this break. I have to figure out what to do this summer...internships, ILTM, or...just be a bum. I also have to refresh my memory of calc and continue studying Chinese. Those are the main goals. I've got some other goals as well.

Hm but right now I just want to read. So I'm going to do that.

It is snowy snowy day. Brrrr. brrrr.

It's snowing heavily and I am ridiculously bored. This morning my mom and I ventured into the mall area to do some shopping, but then the snow began to fall more heavily and we decided to head home after making a stop at Dunkin.

So after that I haven't been doing anything else. Of course, I did work on my Website, which is totally cool looking now. You should take a look at it if you get a chance. .

The sucky thing about being home is that I get hungry all the time because there's just so much food around. So I have been eating constantly. Also convenient is the treadmill in the house...so I will be running later.

And that's about all I did today.